Your comfort zone is a protective mechanism, but while its purpose is to keep you safe, it can also prevent you from achieving many of the things you really want to. If you confine yourself only to what you feel comfortable with, you will not grow and evolve as intended.
“A comfort zone is a beautiful place but nothing grows there.”
We all have a comfort zone, but did you wonder how yours came about?
What is a Comfort Zone?
According to Wikipedia, “A comfort zone is a psychological state in which things feel familiar to a person and they are at ease and (perceive they are) in control of their environment, experiencing low levels of anxiety and stress. In this zone, a steady level of performance is possible.”
So, your comfort zone is a set of experiences or circumstances with which you feel safe, or comfortable. For example, you may be very comfortable at home or close to home, but feel uneasy when travelling more than a certain distance away from home. Some like to think of it as an imaginary circle in which they place everything they are comfortable with. Anything that makes them uncomfortable, anxious, scared or even terrified, falls outside of this imaginary circle, and is generally avoided.
Here are some activities that many people find uncomfortable, and therefore place outside their comfort zone:
- Skydiving
- Public speaking
- Air travel
- Making a presentation at work
- Confrontation
- Changing job or career
- Moving to a new place
Where Does Our Comfort Zone Come From?
The truth is you create your comfort zone, based on your experiences and your resulting levels of confidence, self-esteem, etc. Phobias are another contributing factor. For example, if you are afraid of heights it’s unlikely you will want to go skydiving. You may decide to do this as a way of challenging or expanding your comfort zone, and we’ll come to that later.
These perceived circles change and evolve over time, shaped by our various experiences, including:
- Traumatic events
- Abusive relationships
- Abusive childhood
- Relationship breakups
- Phobias
- News & media coverage
- Movies, books or video games
Basically, anything to which you are exposed can influence your perception of what is safe.
Imagine you, at he age of 7, have to give a presentation at school. You stumble on some of the words and a couple of the other kids laughed and make fun of your presentation. Embarrassment causes your face to blush. We’ve all had experiences like that, but at the age of 7, when we’re still learning what is safe and what is not, this kind of experience can have a profound impact.
This could, understandably, lead to a fear of public speaking that, unless addressed in therapy, may last the rest of your life. As a result, public speaking and presentations could then take their places firmly outside your comfort zone.
Nothing is Permanent
So if you created your comfort zone, then you get to decide how big it is and what fits inside it, right?
Absolutely right!
As an example, if you’ve been living with anxiety disorder for some time, chances are your comfort zone has become smaller and smaller. Each time you add another thing to the list of things you can’t do because of anxiety, that circle shrinks even more.
This is one of the ways agoraphobia comes about – your circle shrinks so much that you literally cannot leave home. You may not even feel safe in your own home.
Pushing the Boundaries
As humans, we’re driven by an innate need to challenge ourselves and grow intellectually and emotionally. If we restrict ourselves to only doing the things we’re comfortable with then, while this may make for an easy life, it will likely prevent us from achieving many of the things we want to achieve.
Stepping outside your comfort zone can be a scary experience but it’s also extremely rewarding and, the more you do it, the more confident you will become.
As with exposure therapy, I suggest starting with something small – something you’re pretty sure you can do, even though it’s going to feel a bit unpleasant. For example, if you find crowded places very challenging then don’t head straight for a busy shopping mall! First, try somewhere open like a park, where there are some people, but not too many, plus lots of open space. From here, you can gradually surround yourself with more and more people each time, at a pace you’re happy with.
As another example, if you want to get a new job but don’t feel comfortable with interviews, ask a friend to go through a mock interview process with you. It may sound silly but your sub-conscious doesn’t know the difference between real and imagined, so this can actually be a very effective way to build your confidence in preparation for the real thing.
Go For It!
So don’t let your comfort zone define what you can and can’t do – challenge it, expand it, push the boundaries and little by little your world will get bigger and your list of options will get longer. In the same way it shrank, it can expand again.
Remember that your soul needs to expand, but the subconscious (specifically the ego, or identity) will resist change and anything else it perceives as a threat. Push the boundaries of what you believe to be possible, follow you passion and you’ll be amazed what you can achieve.